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November 29, 2005
more on america
That experience I wrote about recently, of walking through such a desolate place as the area around west Oakland, had a big impact on me. I realized that, when it comes down to it, the basic conflict that eats Americans, makes the population overwhelmingly neurotic, un-rooted, and whiny, is the absolutely huge discrepancy between the way things are and the way they should be. By "should be" I mean the way things are reported as being, the way people talk about them, what the shared culture wants to believe. People still hold on to a vision of this country that is completely removed from reality. The populous actually believes that our foreign policy is in the best interest of the rest of the world, that the same number of people would have died in New Orleans had they been white and middle class, and that everyone has equal opportunity. Of course this is not the case, and the internal conflict that arises from this discrepancy between what is happening and what is supposed to happen is the cause for the general itchy neuroticism and ongoing frustration exhibited by nearly everyone in this huge stretch of land.
Luckily there are little pockets where this is not the case, but even in these little bubbles of sanity, the fact that you are still surrounded by a powerful culture with which you pretty much disagree on every point does get tiring after a while.
November 28, 2005
built in camera in 17" imac
The new iMac with built in iSight camera is about the coolest computer I've ever seen. And Photobooth is just way too much fun. Since I started working at M.A.C. in Berkeley, I've spent too much time taking silly photos with that program.
new podcast
Time For New Wallpaper is a piece I made last year while living in the Netherlands. It was originally created to be used with Digiki's Kitchen Remix Project.
(Lee's reaction to this piece)
more Un Caddie Renversé Dans L'Herbe
Tonight I finally got around to listening to Like A Packed Cupboard But Quite... I can't say enough good things about it: so smart and completely interesting. And it sounds especially good on my sexy new ESI QuataFire 610 Firewire Analog Digital converter.
where exactly is this
Last night Lee and I planned to see Mae-Shi play at LoBot Gallery over in west Oakland. To get to this gallery, in the middle of an area that could be described in no way other than Deep Deep Ghetto, it required us to walk for approximately 12 minutes down a strangely dark street with no foot or vehicular traffic, save for the occasional police car, surrounded only by seemingly empty houses with too-tall fences separating us from glaring attack dogs. The rooms in the dilapidated houses were protected with thick-barred windows, no comforting light of open shops anywhere in sight. It is not an understatement to say I was fucking freaked.
We started down the street, agreeing that if either of us felt unsafe, we'd turn around no questions asked. But we both felt that we shouldn't feel afraid, this is, after all, the richest country in the world. Knowing that the area we were walking in was simply just a neighborhood of normal people contrasted with the knowledge that we were targets ripe for picking on this unlit street created an inner conflict that I have yet to resolve. I am slightly embarrassed to admit that I felt really nervous, what with me wearing a second-hand Comme des Garçons jacket, repeatedly consulting my glowing iPod for directions. Who in their right mind wouldn't rob us on this occasion with no witnesses around? Our potential attackers couldn't realize that we were probably nearly as poor as they were, it's just that our respective Gay Genes require us to present ourselves as though we aren't really poor. There you have it straight world, the secret's out: all the fags out there wearing designer labels, that's really the result of a genetic trait. But the thing the marketing firms might not realize is that this Gay Gene also allows us to find fashion on a budget. Fashion does not necessarily equate to a large disposable income, in fact it might be the opposite. But I've said too much though, my gay membership card might be revoked any moment if I continue.
In some ways our journey down that dimly lit street last night feels like an apt metaphor for my creative life at the moment. I am ready to dedicate myself 300% to a fully creative life, but I am uncomfortable with my hesitation, my inability to decipher real challenges from those that are just the product of my own insecurity, keeping me from getting where I would like to be. San Francisco seems to be full of others in a similar situation, a city of talented twenty-somethings who come here to retire. Of course it would be an oxymoron to say, "I am waiting to see where I will go." Obviously it is the decision of no one other than myself. Accepting the full implications of that is the hard part.
Interestingly, I think it would be completely natural for a Japanese person to say something along the lines of, "I am waiting to see where I will go" without the requisite feeling of shame from a seeming lack of motivation. What exactly this means, well, I'll leave that to all the Japanophile experts out there.
November 20, 2005
occasionally this happens
Last night I watched a major American studio film, produced by Disney in fact. And it was great. The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou was moving, a two hour exploration of the ways one can lose their idealism upon learning how their heroes are truly the product of stagecraft and theater. It's the story of a man, Steve Zissou, who orchestrated his own rise to fame until he got to the point that he no longer could see the difference between himself and the theater he had created. And this is where the movie shines, it doesn't make the situation into a morality tale of how one should simply and stupidly just be true to oneself, it instead celebrates the blurry separation between one's self and the way one is seen to be by others. It's a complex, sophisticated, sad and funny tale, definitely my favorite Wes Anderson film so far.
November 16, 2005
a tuesday morning recommendation
Memo to anyone who has not heard Atlas saltA by Un Caddie Renversé dans l'Herb: you should listen to it. Soon.
November 14, 2005
fassbinder
Last week I watched Whity, a caustic and seething Fassbinder film that is nearly painful to watch. In a strange genre mixing of Antebellum plantation story and shoot-em-up Western, the story of Whity, a black slave, is told. He is the sexual partner for men and women of the ruling plantation family, and is also the illegitimate son of the black maid (herself a black woman wearing black face) and the plantation owner. The story is amazingly convoluted and incestuous, and the ending totally melodramatic, perfect for such a camp yet frightening film. After watching it I was left with a sensation similar to the effect of reading William T. Vollmann, a seering sense that the human race will never get past the issue of race and that pretty much every battle ever fought has racism at its core.
cooking again
Last night I made a German beef stew, rindfleisch eintopf. I used more flour than called for which made it very thick. It was one of my cooking success stories, right up there with my salmon in mustard lentil sauce. It was very simple to make, a stew after all, but I think the use of sea salt and organic beef made all the difference. Eating dinner last night made me very happy to not be vegetarian.
November 13, 2005
language is the official form of communication
But there are an infinite number of unofficial forms.
I'm reminded of this on a daily basis.
November 8, 2005
slaving over a hot hard drive, cooking up some ring-tones
November 7, 2005
susumu yokota + rothko
Distant Sounds of Summer is a fun album, mixing elements of minimal techno, field recordings, and angsty guitar strumming.
i heart sundays
Yesterday was full of fun, Lee and I rambled around the city on a cloudy chilly day, looking for a new pair of non-earbud headphones, watching music videos on the new iPod video at the Apple Store (with this you can convert any video to the iPod format), stocking up on free fragrance samples at Nordstrom's (Un Jardin sur Le Nil is fantastic) and drinking Delirium Tremens on draft at Lucky 13.
Today is still wonderfully foggy and cool, perfect for staying inside and making ringtones. I've posted a few of my new ones at Kogumero.
November 2, 2005
kogumero arrives
The grassroots collective Kogumero is now live online. As Antonin says, "it's a collective about sounds, visuals, and anything else that matters." So far, it's authors are coming from Paris (Rémi), Tokyo (Antonin), and San Francisco (me). More people are sure to join! The offerings are pretty limited at the moment, but stay tuned, there's lots to come.